The thing with my name –

 Right after I got married I went to the courthouse to change my last name, and believe it or not, I couldn’t find my marriage certificate. I thought I put it in the car but it wasn’t there. As of now I never changed my last name. I had to keep explaining this to my family who called me by my husband’s last name. Many people in my kids’ school did the same, I just never corrected them. 

When I started grad school one of the first classes required a lot of papers. For some reason I kept forgetting to type my name on my paper when I submitted it. My professor told me my papers were very well done and asked if I didn’t want credit for my work. Then he made a joke after I continued to do this a few times. He called me “The Girl With No Name.” 

If I am going to be honest – I believe I didn’t really know too much about myself during this time period. Well, I didn’t know too much about myself before this time period either. However, I think it’s important for me to acknowledge as an adult approaching marriage and making future decisions and goals – I really didn’t know me. As an adult we obviously trust ourselves to make decisions for ourselves, but looking back – I was making decisions for me from the wrong place within me.

At that time, I could come across as confident, but really there was a deeper root of hurt and pain I wasn’t dealing with. I was seeking to feel accepted or loved or good-enough. I attracted many toxic people in my life. I would often go with the flow, even if I was uncomfortable because I liked the image I was creating. The image I created was fun, easy going, free spirited, following the majority with no real purpose or value. There was a fragile part of me that wanted to feel accepted and liked; I didn’t want to disappoint anyone. I would pause over things I did, because deep down on the inside I didn’t agree with some of my own choices.

It took me a while to let that warrior in me rise up to say no, to protect myself, and to have the strength to guard God’s Word even if that meant letting people or things go, and not be concerned with meeting someone else’s approval or praise. 

So at this time my name, my identity, was still undefined. It would remain this way until God started to define me with value, purpose, identity, love, strength, approval, and beauty. 

Think about what your name means to you. Who are you when you think about your name? 

Do you define yourself with accomplishments, accolades, material gain, physical appearance, or acceptance? Do you define yourself with rejection, abuse, bitterness, odds always against you, lack of resources, victim mentality, or comparing yourself to others? 

I recommend that you don’t use your name to glorify yourself. Whether you have had a successful accomplished life or a life filled with hardship and difficult seasons; it’s important to not build your value, worth, or identity in those things.

Instead, give your life situations, circumstances, and experiences to God and ask Him how He wants to use it. Let Him do His work inside of you and make a name for you in His Kingdom, so others can see His glory in you.

Let Him rename you with His purpose, His strength, His victory, His beauty, and His identity.

Sometimes you need to lose the “you” you have been building or pretending to be, and lose your self driven purpose to find your purpose in serving God and the people God called you to.

Activity:

What’s in your name?

Write your name down in your journal. When you see this name, write down every word that comes to mind. Be honest with yourself and go to those harder and deeper memories. This is your time to be intimate with yourself and be honest about who you are at this exact moment in time. Remember, this is not an interview, and you’re not trying to impress or convince anyone of anything. Let go of perfection or shame or pride.

After you finish, look at all the words you wrote associated with your name.

 Is this who you want to be?

 Is there room to invite God into deeper places within yourself that you want to change or grow in? 

Are there roots of bitterness, anger, unforgiveness, fear, people pleasing, worldly mindsets that you want God to help with? 

Prayer Challenge:

Father God, help me to define my name (who I am) in You. Help me to let go of my image. Help me to surrender to the person You want me to be. Fill my heart and mind with the image You want to create within me. Help me to die to myself and become alive in You. Please do the work inside of me, deep inside of heart and mind, to change me and mold me to be Your workmanship. For You are the potter and I am the clay. Lord I give You ALL of me, please have Your way in me. In Your Name Yeshua Jesus. AMEN. 

Scriptures:

Matthew 16: 24-27 NASB 24 Then Jesus said to His disciples, “If anyone wants to come after Me, he must deny himself, take up his cross, and follow Me. 25 For whoever wants to save his life will lose it; but whoever loses his life for My sake will find it. 26 For what good will it do a person if he gains the whole world, but forfeits his soul? Or what will a person give in exchange for his soul? 27 For the Son of Man is going to come in the glory of His Father with His angels, and will then repay every person according to his deeds.